Hannah's First Death Anniversary

Today is the saddest day of my entire life. My precious daughter Hannah left me a year ago. I can't believe that it has been one year that she's gone to heaven.

Looking at Joel reminds me of Hannah, how she probably would look and be right now. Would she be a playful little girl like his older and little brother? Would she be a noisy and loud little girl like her brothers? These are the questions I ask myself again and again whenever I think of her.

Days when my hair accidentally go on Joel's head, I'd imagine if that would be how Hannah looks since they're twins. I wonder if Hannah would be bigger or smaller than Joel. I wonder if Hannah would start walking and talking first or Joel would. These are questions I will never have answers to sadly.

I wish I knew her longer. I wish I could carry her while she was still breathing and tell her how much I love her and how much I want her. That's something I can never ever do again.

I miss you Hannah. I wish you were here with me now. I wish I could give you a tight hug and plenty of kisses to let you know how much I love you.

Hannah, I hope you're growing up healthy and strong in heaven just like Joel here on earth. I'm looking forward to the day to hear you calling me mummy and telling me, "mummy I have been happy waiting for you here. I grew up very healthy and happy here in heaven with all my other friends and God. Now that you're here, I can spend my eternity with you. I love you mummy!".

I love you and miss you so much Hannah.