Sounds of my life...

These days, the sounds that I hear everyday are repetitive and distinct to a point it scares me. The truth of these sounds gives the heart a bit of a tug here and there. There's no escape, no comfort, no assurance, no hope...

The sound of the fan whirring gives me a feeling of emptiness
The sound of the occasional fogging outside gives me the feeling of distance
The sound of the traffic on the road gives me the feeling of helplessness
The sound of the birds chirping gives me the feeling of unrequited love
The sound of my own breathing gives me the feeling of loneliness

Makes me question the purpose of my life again and why I'm made the way I am. Why me and what's me and who's me and where's me and lastly how did I become the me I am today. Numerous questions. Will these questions be answered? God knows. Searching for an answer from the bible, from God. Ultimately I'll probably get the answers if I keep searching for them. Seek and you shall find..........

Valentine's Day 2017...and misc...

These days, having a bad memory means that there would be many things that would be forgotten if they are not recorded down. I should be more diligent in penning down my memories so I can look back on my life further down the track.

This year, may be the last year before Dave becomes a full time student. Hence, I splurged a little on his birthday and also V day. Got him a long overdue belt from Mont Blanc and also a wallet from Longchamp. Hope they will serve him well for many years to come and even after he officially becomes a doctor. He has been studying so much lately that I haven't gotten much time with him. The GAMSAT is no joke. Deep down I hope that he gets into med school and follow through what he sets himself out to do. 

Side tracked. Dave got me an iPhone 6s for valentines this year. It's my second iPhone and of course, it's really nice and easy to use. It's a rose pink one with a military casing. Muahahahahaha. Typical dingo type activities. ;D

We didn't do anything on vday this year, as Dave came home late from work. I scored myself a chocolate and carrot cake from him though. They were supposed to be shared with Zac but he had to sleep, so we had some all by ourselves. At night we watched a Korean film called train to Busan. It was funny but touching at the same time. The night ended in tears...

All in all it was a very simple afffair this year, but I kinda enjoyed it very much. Much better than an elaborate huge bouquet of flowers which is a waste of money, or a lavish candlelight dinner. It was simple and warm for me this year. 

Blogging while holding Joel in my arms after a feed. Will end this with a picture of my precious two boys taken today. 

19 February 2017 - Last Milk Production Session for Joel

Today marks the end of milk production and supply to my precious Joel. It has been a very conflicting decision for me to make as to whether I should keep going or stop. I am typing this blog as I am expressing.

The benefits of breastmilk are so plentiful that I feel rather adamant about it although it might just be a bit that he's getting anyway. Joel has been drinking breastmilk for 18 months and I'm glad that I've persevered thus far. I believe that he has received most of the immunity I have and most of all, the love that I'm giving him with the milk that he's taking from me. Once I stop, that's it...The milk supply will never come back again. But a pat on my back, I have done well. I'm proud of myself.

One regret I have is that I've never been able to breastfeed my precious Hannah and she's never received anything from me apart from growing inside me. I wish she was here with me and i wish i could have breastfed her too. I choke whenever I think of her. She's also part of the reason why I want to keep going for Joel to keep him healthier and stronger, Joel her twin brother.

Joel, I believe will become a great man when he grows up just like what his cece Hannah would want for him.

I've had such a good long relationship with the avent milk pump that saying bye to it makes me feel rather sad. It's something that I've taken with me wherever I went. Looking at it always reminds me of the day that we got it so I could start expressing while the twins were in the NICU. Hannah was still upstairs, alive. It would have served both the twins if Hannah was still here with us. It has served Joel really well over the last 1.5 years. 

Thank you for never failing me and the long hours toiling with me to produce liquid gold for my precious. Deep down I hope that you'll serve me at least once more in the future for perhaps another little girl like Hannah. I sincerely wish for that. In the mean time, have a good rest, you've been really faithful to me.

Joel First Night Sleeping On His Own...

Tonight, after Joel's last feed, he decided not to sleep and played around. After I took my shower, I played with him in his cot and he actually crawled a little from one end of the cot to the other.

After rolling around and wrestling with his bok bok and bear, he gazed at the window for a while, turned towards me and looked at me and then fell straight asleep all by himself. 

Looking at him sleep, I feel so proud of him. He has come a long long way and I am so proud of all that he has achieved to date. I love him to bits.

I wish Hannah was also here to show how well she has developed. I believe that she is already crawling and even walking and talking in heaven.

I love the twins...always and forever.

Dad's classic story

Mum shared with me a photo of my dad, her and the gathering of some primary school friends. My dad has been friends with them since primary school.

A joke was shared by an old friend of my dad's. When my dad was about 16 or 17 years old, he had a maths teacher whose arm was a bit bent. My dad being a super cheeky student, one day said "Sir, draw your gun" (with the action of drawing the gun from the waist) to the teacher when he entered the class. After that he was punished by the maths teacher...

Hearing this joke made me crack up so much just imagining my dad doing that.

A picture of my handsome dad and his primary school friends.