I love you Hannah - 5th Year

Dearest darling Hannah,

It’s me again, your mummy. How are you today? It’s been 5 years since you left us and I still remember clearly the day you left us. How I was holding on to your tiny fingers as you breathed your last. Your long and tiny and cute fingers. I still remember so clearly up till today. You had the longest and prettiest fingers and nails among the whole family. I also remember how when I first saw you, how much joy it brought to me when i thought about all the girly stuff we could do together. I can just imagine it now...or do it in my dreams...

Today we drove past the netball centre that I had always dreamed of going to with my daughter. When we drove past it today, I felt a prick in my heart when I thought of you. I know that it will never happen ever in this life. I feel so sad just thinking about it.   

I know that every year I say the same old thing to you and I would probably do so for the rest of my life. This is my only way to connect with you and repeating it again and again may be the only way for me to feel better. 

Your daddy asked me today, ‘is it getting better with time?’, I don’t think so. This time each year, there’s always a strange feeling. September should be a happy month as it’s your Kong’s and also my birthday...but it’s never ever the same again ever since you came and left your footprint in my life. 

We are back in Perth now, where your home should be. You are also involved in the new business that we are purchasing. Hannah Grace...forever with us. Each time we do something with the business, we will be reminded of you...you’ll always be a part of the family. 

Joel has started asking who the baby in the cupboard is. It pains me to tell him that you’re his Cece, he survived and you didn’t. I will slowly introduce you to him as he gets older. He knows the name Hannah now. We will let him know that you two were the closest beings on this earth and in mummy’s womb. We will also officially take Zac to visit you once we have you in your resting place. I’m sure they’ll say heaps of stuff to you. I’ll make them write letters to you too overtime. 

Rest in peace Hannah. Know that you’re loved and always remembered. Mummy loves you heaps.