Ali & Kristina's Bday.....

Venue: Riverview Church....
Date: 12 January 2005

Gonna be a long long journal entry

7th Jan 2005.......

Today hasnt been too bad......shall start with last night......it was bad!!!!

Last night was a terrible night for me......after chatting with mum.....decided to call it a day....did QT and went straight to bed......logged off at about 930pm.......brushed my teeth and went to bed......fell asleep immediately after i closed my books.......then at about 1030pm.....got up......tossed and turned and tried my best to fall asleep again......couldnt sleep.....and my thoughts were focussed on so many things that I just couldnt sleep......so turned on the telly.....but head was already spinning like mad......had a terrible headache......then friend called, asked if wanna sell my car......so.......called mum and dad to discuss about buying a new car......both encouraged esp dad since he had long wanted me to get rid of my current car.....coz he said its too old and unsafe.....dun really wish to get a new one tho...coz i am not even sure if i will still be here in a year's time......but problem is....friend wants the car now....coz he is doing summer in curtin......dun think i can live without a car since i need it to get to work.....anyway......whole night......head spinning......decided to take my pain killer.....antidote called ponstan......and guess what? i thought i was moving out end of last year due to some household issues, but decided not to.....so i packed everything in boxes......and i couldnt find my medicine box!!!!! struggled and took out boxes to find......went downstairs to find....searched high and low.....and finally found it.....it was right in front of me....in the drawer....i could have banged the wall..!!!! took my medicine....and went to bed...thank God....i fell asleep......

got up this morning....feeling much better....wonder why the sudden headache last night......

at work today was alright......had a weekly review.....the one on tuesday was a monthly review......manager pleased, so i too had no complaints.....with telstra...its review review and review....every week......*sigh*

i normally listen to my cds while i am at work......i just love working with music on, it makes me work faster and more effectively......and for the last whole week, i have been listening to the hillsongs cd......i dont know what happened today.....while i was listening to the song "reaching for you" today.......tears just started rolling down my cheeks while i was in the midst of reviewing an account.....silly as it may sound....but i could feel Him so much......i think coz the whole night last night....i have been thinking about my life......what i could have done better.....how i have lived......the relationships i was in.....in fact.....i was feeling pretty terrible last night......i just felt so alone.....for those of you who dont know.....i just got out of a relationship of nearly 4 years about 4 months ago......i know that i have gotten over it......but somehow.....i dunno what was with me last night...i started thinking about everything that has happened in the past before.....(maybe that is why i got the splitting headache)......i think my stream of consciousness is a total mess now....cant really put what i wish to in words......

anyway....it has been one "thinking" day for me......i have been thinking about other stuff as well.....about whether i should stay here, or go back to msia/spore......its just something i cant straighten out......i miss my family...and i do want to be around my family......dad prefers me to be here....mum prefers me to go back.....but i know they will support every decision i make....coz they trust me alot......sigh......i know God will guide me.....my fave song used to be...."God will find a way, where there seems to be no way, He works in ways we cannot see, He will make a way for me, He will be my guide, Hold me closely to His side, With love and strength for each new day, He will make a way!"......but as for now.....i dont know....its hard to make a decision.....was joking with mum that day.....if i end up with someone here....i will stay here...if i dont, i will go back......

Just wanna share with everyone how God has given me the strength to carry on in the darkest days of my life......I strongly believe, if i didnt seek comfort in Him when I was on the verge of drowning….err…..i don’t know where I will be now….i would probably end up back in msia…..am glad I didn’t…..coz I realised how much I have grown spiritually here……and I also believe that if I had gone home……all would be different again…..maybe not so much church going, and praying and reading of the Word and fellowship and music composition and the and goes on and on……

Another thing that I have been thinking about is what my friends in Singapore actually betted with me……3 of them……they all said that I will get attached within a year…….and the bet is that if I do get attached, I would have to treat them all 3 to a meal….and if they lost, they would each have to treat me once……I wouldn’t deny that I do like some people at the moment…..its not like "like" them and want to be with them kinda thing.....but more of wanting to know the person better coz find the person nice, encouraging and nice to talk to......and its definitely not because I want so much to be in a relationship……in fact, I feel very much happier now…..being single rocks…..but I guess….when it comes to liking someone, you cant really control it, can you? ……whatever it is, i told myself no matter what happens, I will NEVER go out with a non-Christian ever again……coz I guess the way of life, the way of thinking, and also the paths that we are seeking would be totally different……I have actually forgotten the feeling of being loved and to love.....coz people whom i love and love me are all far far away from me.……I know God loves me and i do too....…..i know my family loves me and i love them as well……but somehow…..i have just sort of forgotten the feeling…...cant remember......no i should tell myself......love is not based on feelings......haha......anyway.....i dont even know what i am talking about now......should think in a more positive light.....

Move on to other things in my thoughts…….i wish I had a close friend here in perth where I can share all my feelings/thoughts/happiness/sorrows with……I don’t know…..i thought I found a confidante in a person…..but I realised that to certain guys, if you cant be his girlfriend, you cant be good friends…….isnt it sad? Shared my ups and downs a lot with the person, and realised that he wanted more than just friends……but not something I wish to do…….anyway….i really wish I had just one good friend here……one will do…….*sigh......everyone....practically everyone tells me this...."Lean you are very strong....you are so independent....i admire your courage.....".....but deep down....i am only human.....and there is just so much i can bear.......i can feel tired i can feel lonely....i can feel happy....i can feel sad too.....i may look strong on the outside......but deep down......its as soft as jelly......

Phewww….i didn’t realise that I have written so much…..this is normally how I write my diary by the way…..shall type a stop here….and continue again some other time……its weekend again…..sports time again…… :):):)

PS: Photo of the 3 forever friends bear in my room……my companion when I feel scared/lonely/sad…etc…. hehe

First ever journal entry.......

Today, I read Dr Chand's entry......and he inspired me to make use of this "facility" to share too.....

It was a great day at work today.....was tranferred to the specialist team a month ago and had a review by my manager today......she is very pleased with my performance.....which made my day!!!!!

Have been trying to really learn tennis too.....but forgotten to bring back the tennis racquet......David mentioned yesterday that he would be dropping by in Singapore.....so asked him if he could help me bring back my racquet......he was kind enough to say yes..... :) and Raymond would be passing the racquet to him too.....coolness......

Past few weeks, have been trying to compose more songs......but only managed to complete one.....*sigh*......lotsa inspiration.....just that my brains refuse to cooperate......today listened to the songs by Diana Wee (Christian) again......her songs really touched my heart! http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/dianawee

And for once after donkey weeks/months, I cooked!!!! Simple meal, but the meal made me realise how much i miss my family!!!!! Eating alone is really no fun hey! And try eating alone every night.... :( prefer not to eat......Really miss my family loads.....I wish they were here with me......

Missing my friends too...miss the times we had....while i was back.....cow and coolies, plaza spura, starbucks, gosh....just miss miss and miss!!!!!

Look forward to my release from Perth Prison......

Good nite......

PS: A photo of me in my PJ......mum asked me to send her a photo.....so I took it using timer......ready to sleep.......

BBQ at Burswood Park 3 Jan 2005

New Year's Eve 2004 (Sicillian's & Cottesloe Beach)

Trip down to Busselton

HIHI

Hi....

Its a pleasant surprise to get your invitation....you remember me?

anyway.....keep in touch......my msn is donitik@hotmail.com
and icq: 34741839....

have a great week ahead!!!! cheers!!!!

Lyndt